Certified Gemini

So many things to do, so little time…

My father liked to buy books about zodiac signs, numerology, palmistry, crystals, feng shui… you name it. Back then, we have very few books at home that a child might take interest in, so whenever I get bored, I have no choice but to read the kinds of books which my father liked. I think it’s only proper to acknowledge that I am now quite knowledgeable about the characteristics of each zodiac signs and who’s compatible with whom. For instance, I know that I am a Gemini, and that Geminis are known to be multitaskers. This is what I remember the most since I relate with it so much. It’s super me. The multitasker Gemini. I have soooooo many things that I would like to do, if possible, simultaneously, because 24 hours is not enough.

I sometimes think that I am too privileged to want so many things to do for my personal leisure, while so many others can’t even fit their obligatory tasks in 24 hours. While others might be awake this same time (2:03 AM) trying to finish a task for a job, schoolwork, or anything that holds them responsible, here I am still awake for being anxious that I can’t choose what to do from all the things that I wanted to do. Can’t I just pick one, do it, move on, and go to sleep?

Apparently no, (lol) and the anxiety becomes more overwhelming as my thinking goes beyond short-term. What time will I sleep? The sun is about to rise! Me depriving myself of sleep—will this deduct one month of my life? I want to live a looooong life!!! I can do so many things with that one month taken off my years! And yet here I am, still typing away and getting more anxious by the second.

Since it has come to this, might as well write something that will be of value to me later on. Here are the things I would like to do at present:

1. Crochet – I have this blanket project which I started a year ago and until now it’s the size of a washcloth. I don’t do it consistently that’s why it took such a long time to see progress. Now I really, really want to finish it because I have so many pretty projects lined up! I want to make amirugumis, crochet tops, pillowcases, and bags. But I’m stuck with this blanket and I know that if I ditch this now and just move on with a new project, I will never be able to finish this. So I decided to persist, hold off my feelings, and persevere with this blanket.

2. Finish a book – I love to read… back when I was young. I don’t know what happened— I subconsciously blame my growing old, but it’s been hard for me to finish a book now. What I enjoy now is curating books and collecting them. Fortunately I have kids whom I can pass these treasures on and loves to read. I just wish that the *spark* would come back. I miss the feeling of excitedly turning the pages to see what would happen next.

This is my favorite corner in our home! It’s recently built by my father and fiancé, all from scratch!

3. Finish a Korean drama – Oh well, it’s been my life since 2018. I watch one series, fall inlove with the characters, then watch the series of those characters, meet new favorite characters, watch their series, and it goes on… I have so many pending Kdramas to (binge)watch.

4. Watercolor – While cleaning my old stuff, I found my watercolor set and now I wanted to try painting the “beginner” stuff saved on my Pinterest.

5. Master the French language – It’s been a long time since I started learning French through the app Duolingo but life happened and I just uninstalled it without much thought. Whenever I happened to read something in French, I am amazed at how much I understand and it makes me want to study more.

That’s it for today. I think that is only 30% of all the things I want to do. I can’t say that I don’t understand people who wanted to end their lives coz, you know… been there as well. But really, if you are reading this and you are thinking how life sucks, is worthless, monotonous, pretentious, etc… hang in there! There are so many things you can do to enjoy life, even little things for yourself.